Here:
Once in this time was there a daft little fellow, whose identity I shall entitle as Norbert. This Norbert character was a conman indeed, a living scam detested by a sizeable lot of Berts in his town, such as the Bert of Ro and the Bert of Gil. He was a nasty, nefarious bloke who spent his time kicking salamanders by the local park. He should have been removed from any power he possessed, for fear of corrupting society and polluting the moral character of America. Luckily, he worked as a government bureaucrat, and at work he plotted his evil schemes. Despite his vile and malevolent actions, his character usually acted timidly, and so to any new person meeting him, it would come as absurd for Norbert to be such a mean man. And so, in order to progress the plot and theme of this otherwise pathetic narrative, an unsuspecting fellow did meet Norbert: this new character was creatively named Cuthbert.
Cuthbert was a manipulatable guy; Norbert was a manipulating guy. As one could imagine, they made a fantastic pairing with each other when they first met. The dialogue from their first meeting goes as follows:
"Good day sir," proclaimed the gullible Cuthbert, "I am a gullible Bert of Cuth."
"Oh my!" exclaimed Norbert, "I am a shrewd Bert of Nor."
Cuthbert: We shall be friends.
The daylight surged forth from the sun and blistered the otherwise temperate grounds of the land. The vacant skies let the light pass through, permitting with little resistance the sun’s influence to proceed unabated. T’was the second day in the month of July, and ever so evident was this fact made apparent by the scorching weather. Sounds of planes taking off into the sky, landing down onto the earth, and flying overhead in general provided a hectic, sonic addition to the cars and people and general noises. Philadelphia shined in the near distance, tiny shards of turquoise and sapphire lustrously casting off light as if to say farewell for a while. Here just outside of Camden, Norbert's newest plan was being manifested in a tree.
"How's it going up there," Norbert called to Cuthbert.
"Yes," declared Cuthbert.
"Need help?"
"Good."
"What are we doing here, anyway?" asked Cuthbert.
"You see," replied Norbert, "I plan to unleash a thick cloud of pollen onto the people of Philadelphia."
"Why would someone do that?"
"I dunno."
Norbert climbed upon the tree, the largest in its grove, and he peered down onto the ground. The ground was scary, as Norbert is about to attest.
"I'm scared," Norbert called out as he jumped off the tree to his death.
"Oh," Cuthbert uttered under his breath, "how strange."
Cuthbert released the giant bag of pollen from the tree, only to realise that the wind was blowing in the wrong direction.
At this point I've acknowledged that the story has jumped the shark. Cuthbert climbed down the tree and didn't see Norbert. What he did see was a couple of his friends, Albert and Hubert.
"Hubert!" Cuthbert called out, "Albert!"
"Cuthbert!" the pair said in unison.
Together the Berts walked in the park and that was that.
:There